外婆，80 有余，今年年初去世了。癌症晚期。病情从发现，持续了一年左右，再多的金钱、再多的陪伴，都换不回她的慈祥微笑、临行叮咛..

外婆，身体一向很好。最近几年还帮舅家打理瓜园，收获的时候，在瓜地帮忙卖果看摊，收尾的时候，走街串巷把剩下的瓜纽子或者品相不好的拿去售卖，换回些碎钱，补贴自用或者以后给孩子用。这是我妈口中的近几年我姥的缩影，我印象不是很深，不过略有印象。

年初，老二出生，也是连续第二年过年没回去，没见上最后一面。检查出晚期的时候，有视频过几次，一次还能再在房走动，轻松地聊天，让我们不要担心；还有次就是年前，姥姥坐在我老家的堂屋椅子上，我妈摇的视频，聊了几句，头脑依然很清晰，就是说几句话后，气喘不匀，匆匆挂了视频；再往后，就是我妈口中以及我姐口中的姥姥了：病痛带来的折磨，也让她少了几分往日的为别人找想，不过她心心念的教堂捐款，依然实时叮嘱。

姥啊，您生病的时候，我总想用自己的阳寿换您的生命延期，因为我深知您这一生对我的影响，不想您离开。

您生活在一个穷苦的年代，一辈子吃苦拉扯孩子，甚至操心小辈。您现在去了另外一处，放下吧，都放下吧，啥也别想了，每个人离开了您都能过，至于过成什么样，您甭管了，您就像图上的女士一样，怀揣着少女般的心境，去寻找自己的自由和追求吧。撇开这辈的人世凡俗，做个自由的灵魂，等您累了，再来看看我们。

English version translate by DeepL

My grandmother, who was over 80 years old, passed away earlier this year. She had terminal cancer. The disease lasted for about a year from the time it was discovered, and no amount of money or companionship could bring back her kind smile or her dying words...

Grandma, her health has always been very good. In recent years, she also helped her uncle's family to take care of the melon garden, when the harvest, in the melon field to help sell fruit to see the stall, the end of the time, walking the streets to sell the rest of the melon button or poor quality to sell, in exchange for some scrap of money to subsidize their own use or later for their children. This is the epitome of my mother's mouth in recent years my grandma, I do not remember very much, but a slight impression.

The second was born at the beginning of the year, and for the second year in a row, I didn't go back for New Year's Eve, so I didn't see the last of it. When the checkup was late, there were several videos, one was able to walk around the room again, chatting easily and asking us not to worry; another time was a year ago, my grandma was sitting on a chair in the hall at my old house, my mom shook the video, chatted a few words, her mind was still clear, that is to say, after a few words, breathless, hurriedly hung up the video; then later, it was my mom's mouth and my sister's mouth of my grandma: the torture brought by illness The first time I saw her, she was less thinking for others, but she was thinking about church donations, and she still gave advice in real time.

When you were sick, I always wanted to trade my life for your life extension, because I knew the impact you had on my life and didn't want you to leave.

You lived in a poor era, suffered all your life pulling up your children and even worrying about the younger ones. Now that you have gone to another place, let go, let go of everything, don't think about anything, everyone can live without you, you don't care what kind of life you have, just like the lady in the picture, with a young girl's heart, go find your own freedom and pursuit. Leave behind the mundane world of this generation, be a free soul, and when you are tired, come back to see us.